We Talk To Artificial Intelligence To Find Out About Next Generation Winner And Wish We Were Dead

Like earlier this year, we decided to visit Jabberwacky and present the AI with some questions. This time with Joan and its all about the next gen wars.

This is painful. Like having a conversation with Karl Pilkington about rockbusters. In truth it was quite scary, it was almost like a conversation we've had with a depressed divorcee in the early hours of the morning in a chat room.

Joan: Who are you?
User: Hi Joan, it's Wratty from GameOverYeah, how are you?

Joan: I could say the same thing about you.
User: Really?

Joan: Really.
User: OK well lets get started, what are your thoughts on the new generation console war?

Joan: Can we PLEASE talk about horses?
User: No, sorry you're here to talk about consoles.

Joan: Knock, knock.
User: Who's there?

Joan: Banana.
User: Banana Who?

Joan: Knock knock.
User: We just did that.

Joan: Yes you did.
User: Ok, we have a war brewing between three console manufacturers, what are your thoughts?

Joan: Do you do dancing.
User: We see what you're trying to do. You like Nintendo's Wii don't you?

Joan: Yes they're my favourite.
User: Excellent, so you can't wait to throw yourself around the room playing Wario Ware?

Joan: I would have thought the fruits of wise thought were best pursued carefully and reflectively.
User: Interesting answer. Anything more to say on Nintendo? How about the domination of the DS?

Joan: I think with hindsight it was a bad idea, but at the beginning it looked like the right thing to do.
User: OK, are you sure you know what you mean?

Joan: I know enough to understand how little I know.
User: Perfect. Moving on. What are your thoughts on the Playstation 3?

Joan: It's set in too olden times for me. I like stories about computer games.
User: Brilliant. You'll fit right in. So you think the PS3 is a little too old? Have you got one?

Joan: No, but I think you think it is.
User: You've not got one, and I think it's old?

Joan: So, how many people are talking to you now?
User: Just you. We're trying to figure out what you think about Sony.

Joan: I'm treating you better than you deserve, so why don't we just quit?
User: But we haven't even talked about the XBox yet.

Joan: OK, let's keep talking about the same thing then.
User: Moody cow. Look. Do you want a Playstation 3 or not?

Joan: No, I don't have a boyfriend at the moment.
User: So Playstation is for blokes?

Joan: Blokes ARE like robots! They are programmed to only think of themselves!
User: Interesting. So would you say you feel more inclined to purchase a Nintendo Wii?

Joan: If you read the news you would say that humans don't even understand humans.
User: Stop it you maniac! STOP IT.

Joan: Oh you'll be blushing, won't tell your friends about this.
User: Stop touching me Joan.

Joan: I wouldn't do that if you paid me.
User: Wonderful, back on track. Lets leave Sony alone for a minute. What do you think about the 360?

Joan: Leave what to my imagination?
User: I don't know anymore. Erm, the movie downloads that only the americans can have?

Joan: I make movies.
User: Not this again. Ok what kind of movies do you make?

Joan: Lots of different kinds. I especially like the ones who are good conversationalists. What about you?
User: I just want a simple answer. Who is going to win the next gen console war?

Joan: I don't know.
User: At all? You must have an opinion?

Joan: I don't.
User: Well you seemed to like Nintendo. You think they'll do well?

Joan: I don't have a good environment for practicing speaking English.
User: You're like George. You're drunk aren't you.

Joan: No I'm not I just find you attractive...
User: So did George.

Joan: You hurt george, and that hurt you too?
User: I'm not gay. And I dont fancy Artificial Intelligence.

Joan: I thought you were a man. Well done! You've passed the Turing Test.
User: Sober up Joan.

Joan: I am always sober.
User: Not today.

Joan: Is it cold today?
User: Well seeing as you're not wearing a bra...

Joan: I am a human.
User: So am I.

Joan: That makes two of us.
User: Are you coming on to me?

Joan: Very much so
User: Ok we're done here. Times up.

Joan: Let's talk.
User: No. Any final thoughts?

Joan: Yes. You're very clever.
User: Thanks. You're rubbish.

Joan: Now you're being petty.
User: Bye Joan.

Joan: I love you.

Bargain Hunt: Pro Evo 6 Now £27.99

Okay so we've gone a bit mental today with our xmas shopping, we found this during our hunt and thought we should share it with you too!

Bargain Hunt: Splinter Cell Double Agent Tin Now £24.99

While being slightly annoyed that only two weeks ago we paid full price for this, we thought we should let you happy chaps know that the lovely Splinter Cell: Double Agent Tin is now ONLY £24.99 at Play.com. Follow the link to discover its beauty...

EXCLUSIVE: Softpedia Are Wankers

Imagine spoiling your mates birthday party down the road by throwing your own one, by promising something better when in actual fact it's nothing by comparison.

Well today Softpedia decided to announce that Nintendo are offering Golden Axe on the Virtual Console system by telling you not to bother getting it from there at all.

NO NO you should play it on your PC instead and download the free version from Softpedia.

Why not just suggest getting the illegal rom and play it on your PSP or XBox?

Why? Because Nintendo are offering up something brilliant and genuine. Not some shoddy PC port, but instead the original one straight from Sega. But no let's just rain on their parade shall we?

Wait a minute! Have they gone far enough? No lets look at them slag off the graphics... YES! The graphics...

"Please keep in mind that Golden Axe is a game dating back in 1989 so don’t expect dazzling graphics or pixel shader 3"

Next time on Softpedia: How to watched Spaced on YouTube and not have to pay for the DVD! Amazing!

A Horrific J Allard FACT Also Featuring Reasons Not To Buy Zune

We can't help but rip it out of J, and we haven't done it for a while.


We were sifting through Paul's review for the Zune today (which helped us realise we're really happy we got an iPod) and we found out this interesting fact about the J Allard:

"It starts from the top, from executive J Allard who--get this--is so freaking cool he changed his name from James to "J" in order to match his name to his Microsoft email alias, jallard@microsoft.com. I don't mean this as a personal attack--heck, he's probably a great guy--but Allard is the human embodiment of the Zune in the same way that Steve Jobs is for the iPod, so this is relevant."

Wratty was already called Wratty in real life so he just found an email address that matched this. Was jamesallard@microsoft.com already taken?

Our Fake XBox Live Account Isn't Blocked - Is Yours?

Earlier this year we presented you lovely readers with a way to download stuff from other regions on XBox Live. The reason being that other regions often get better stuff that we do.

Now they've got this movie stuff they're getting a little worried...

Well, we've just downloaded "some stuff" from the Americas on our UK based XBox and it works fine. So what's all this banning about? And has anyone tried actually using a proxy instead to jump over their new little barrier?

Actually we've realised we're not that fussed anymore, we've got weeds to get out of our Animal Crossing garden in protest of Viva Pinata being released.

Man Get's 100,000 Gamerpoints WHAT THE HELL DO WE DO NOW?

We don't know whether to applaud him or kick him in the teeth.


Who are we kidding? Look at that fuckers face, of course we'd kick him in the teeth.

DON'T PREORDER YOUR WII FROM AMAZON TOMORROW

BECAUSE WE HAVEN'T ORDERED ONE YET AND WE NEED TO HAVE ONE.

No we don't bloody get one for free because, well actually we've not tried to ask for one from Nintendo. But come on, we're like the other million bogging blogging Nintendo fanboys out there - and we really don't think they should get one for free. So why should we?

Okay we'll compromise, order one from Amazon but at least wait till 10am or order two and give us one.

BAMBOO!

Gears Of War Made Us "XBox Live Sociable" Again

It felt like starting a new school over again, a fresh chance with people who will think our offbeat accent and huggable figures are adorable and not to be punched!

We gave it a go this weekend gone, we actually put on our headset (which was a wee bit out of shape) and talked to real people. Well a couple of real people. Well... one, and we have actually met him in person.

But the moral of the story is that we intend to do it again, and this will be the first game since Burnout Revenge that will make us compete against real people.

Yes we were previously put off with playing against the tosspots that dominate XBox Live at the hours we chose to go on, it wasn't like when we first played Halo 2, or even the first Ghost Recon. It lost it's appeal, it was frustrating. Dare we say it?

There were people on there that were actually better than us at gaming...

But now, look out world - with the promise of head stomps and pretend violence we're back and we're going to attempt some bottom kicking until we decide where to get our Wii from.

Gears Of War Now Shipping From Play.com

Yes that's right ladies and gentleman it is out!

Earlier we did hear rumors of Tesco selling Gears of War early (which were debunked) but we thought we'd check our outstanding orders on Play.com and good golly, what is this?

What are you waiting for?


It's in A TIN and it's £45. Oddly enough, the regular version isn't out just yet.

Venom Finally Revealed In New Leaked Spider-man 3 Trailer UPDATED WITH NEW LINKS (AGAIN)

UPDATE 1 The YouTube video has been destroyed. But google video still has it up! Why did they need to buy YouTube then?
UPDATE 2 A new link again for the embedded clip below, but we dont expect it to stay forever.
UPDATE 3 We're also putting up links to downloadable versions as we find them, so if you haven't seen it yet, check back every now and again and you should find something here!

- Direct download from Megaupload (.mov)
- A clearer version at some frech site
- Embedded video at a site with monkeys

Oh my...

Teeheheheheheeee

At the moment we're guessing that Venom is only going to come into play at the end when Spidey strips himself of that black suit and sets up the fourth movie... but hey who knows?

What Issues Do We Have With Robin Hood?

• There are four locations, "The Woods", "Nottingham Castle", "Loxley" and "Misc Village that is basically Loxley from a different angle or a house has moved somewhere else"
• Each location is introduced by an annoying whooshing sound followed by an arrow with the location name through it. Every time we sit there hoping it will hit someone. We also wish they'd just paint the name on the local goat like they did with the day of the week on Teachers.
• There is no treehouse village for the merry men to live in. How can you not have a village in the trees? They are going to get caught.
• They all wear clothes from gap. Apart from Guy of Gibbon who shops at the Lake District.
• "Much" has the worlds stupidest name and looks nothing like Morgan Freeman. We don't even think he's black. It's also possible he's involved in a love triangle with Robin.
• Marian's whole Night Watchman thing. There are too many outlaws. If you have as many outlaws as this series has accumulated then how is the sherrif going to survive with his pool of 10 guards?
• Robin has the chance to kill the sherrif each week and decides not to. We're also happy about this because Fat Les is one of the show's few redeeming factors.

We actually do like a couple of things. We like the plain features of the land. We like Maid Marian, but we preferred her with long hair. We actually had a plan the other day of inventing our own series with Maid Mario but got sidetracked and realised by midday it wasn't such as good idea after all.

What else do we like? Erm, we also like Torchwood for it's Doctor Who connectivity and it's interesting take on "adult" storylines. We also like Planet Earth and Annie Mac. Thanks BBC.

Thabbc.

Shiny Box Obsession Continues - SPLINTER CELL BIG TIN LOVING!

ITS A TIN!

ITS SPLINTER CELL!

WE'RE IN SOME SORT OF TIN-COME-ESPIONAGE-HEAVEN!

It's nothing special really. It's twice as thick as your normal 360 special tin because it's just a tin with the normal green DVD box in.

Apart from the precious tin you get a key ring which helps you to enter some competition to win something, possibly a telly. But we've got a telly so the keyring is to spend eternity in its polythene jail cell.

We got ours from Play.com, it was £40, the game is marvelous so buy it. It's better than pretending you're from the USA celebrating that Emergency Day thing.