Pointless Review of Predictably Great Game

Trying to review a Zelda game is like trying to review oxygen, the ground, or the power of eyesight. If you own a DS and have failed to buy a copy of Phantom Hourglass, it's a little like owning a pair of shoes without a pair of feet. Obviously it's one of, if not the best game on the system. Before this I had lost much faith in the output of the DS; Dr Kawashima has much to answer for.

It does have a few faults, but they don't really put much of a dent in a game which is a real delight to play. For example, going back to the Temple of the Ocean King time after time is a real chore, by about the third or fourth time I really couldn't stand the thought of it, but knowing it would open up a new section of sea to piss about in excited me enough to endure it. The notemaking function on the various maps is a great feature, but they didn't bank on the fact that my handwriting, compressed down to a small pixel display looks more like the spillings of an ant's slop-tray than any form of typography. It means that what starts as well meaning notemaking and annotation soon descends into simple dots and lines.

It does also seem extremely easy, I don't want to sound like some big-headed git, but it really is a breeze, none of the bosses or puzzles have caused me to pause for breath. But that seems to be a bit of a feature with the handheld Zeldas of late; since the Capcom influence of Four Swords, the portable Link has been a cakewalk.

The battle mode is also a bit piss-poor. It's a simple game of cat and mouse, which can easily descend into a meaningless nil-nil draw if both players know what they're doing. Having experienced multi-Link heaven with 4 Swords, this is a little disappointing.

I must admit that I haven't tried the online marketplace for swapping boaty items or pirate booty, but I will cast judgement on it anyway. I can't really see the point in it - if rupees were more scarce, I could see the treasure hunting being more important. If I actually cared how fast my boat went, I could see how the customisation would be worthwhile, but as it is, I'm more concerned with the main quest to be distracted by these endeavours.

I am being a little runty for mentioning these small qualms. Overall the game is incredible, the implementation of the touch screen is amazing; only Animal Crossing uses the screen in such a wonderful manner. There are so many lovely little bits, where drawing on the screen produces something great, I can't single one or two out. This is not because I cannot remember any right now.

The sailing is great, shooting the cannon at the enemies is amazingly pleasurable, I found myself drawing extremely ludicrous paths to the next island simply so I could shoot the shit out of some more of those skull bastards. It would be great if the sea was a little bit larger, so you could have some of that pointless voyaging that we loved so much in Wind Waker.

This all equates to the point that I was trying to make earlier, that it shouldn't take a review from a oik like me to make you want to go out and buy Phantom Hourglass, chances are that you've already been out to buy it. And good for you!

I haven't managed/bothered to take any photos, or even steal any screenshots from more professional sites. So here's a video I've had from Youtube, I started out looking for that video of Emily from X-Factor slapping someone happy, but when that search turned out to be a washout, this was all I could take from it.



I notice none of the people in the advert are playing the game in their house on the sofa, while their girlfriend watches Nigella Lawson, which is the only real way to play any handheld game. Who on earth would play this outside, where Joe Public can see you and then proceed to mug or mock you?